Intermittent Showers

"How is Martha doing?"

That's a question I hear often. So many people have come to know and love a couple they've never met, whose real names are never revealed.

Martha walks a little more slowly now. She is often surprised by sudden tears as a memory reaches out and grabs her by the heart. Simple things like eating dinner at the table are all but impossible to bear. Facing her empty bedroom, with one neatly made and undisturbed bed by the window, causes her waves of pain. Sometimes the name of a friend will elude her, and she thinks "Oh, Ralph will know..." and then she remembers that he is truly gone, and she cries.

In between, we share stories and laughter and good times with family.

Yesterday morning she got up at about 7:45 and I helped her get dressed and ready for the day. She cracks me up with her one-word commands.

"Hair."

Oh, yeah, I almost forgot to brush her whispy silver hair, coaxing it back into her signature 'bob'.

She starts to cry.

"Oh, honey, I keep remembering how he always said how pretty I looked when I would come out to the living room."

"Yes - he ALWAYS did that. What a great example of a husband. He always told you how beautiful you were."

When she walks, now, with her walker, I keep on hand at the small of her back most of the time. I want to sense her losing strength so I can catch her if that becomes necessary. Sometimes grief overtakes her and I think she will simply collapse. She impresses me with her strength and determination, though. Each footstep takes about a second; sometimes more. One, one thousand. Two, one thousand. Three, one thousand. Step, push the walker, step, push the walker and breathe a deep sigh.

As we walked out to the living room, in which I'd already started up the fireplace, turned on all the lamps, and set out her morning pills and water, I laughed.

"Remember that day when Ralph was helping you at 3:00 in the morning, and decided to brush your hair?"

"I remember."

"So many good memories, Martha."

"Yes."

One time we were talking about what to say when people asked her how she's doing. I said "Tell them you have intermittant showers, with some sunshine between."

"Oh, yes, honey. That's perfect."