He was seated on the couch, waiting for the EMTs to arrive. He "dismissed" me, as is his habit. He never wants anyone to waste time on his behalf. But I stayed right there with him while we waited.
His wife and I gathered a few things and prepared to go to the Emergency Room and meet up with him. We decided to take two cars.
Once you're at the Emergency Room, time seems to stand still. Every little thing takes forever. I believe we arrived at about 4:30, and it wasn't until after 9:00 that he was situated in a room. The doctors were puzzled - knowing something was wrong but not sure just what. Once he was comfortable in bed, his wife and I left to get some dinner. LATE dinner, for sure! We split a meal at a Mexican restaurant. It was so good.
We got back to his room, and he was still awake. His wife planned to sleep on the little bed under the window. He looked at me and gestured as if to say "Where will you stay?" I laughed. I said "I'm not THAT good! I want to go home tonight!" He thought about it, then said "You have three more nights. You have Wednesday, Thursday, and Friday." As if - it would be fine for me to give up Tuesday night to stay at the hospital. How amazing is THAT! But I said no, that I really had to go. He said "Oh, you have to feed the cows!"
I gave him a hug, gave her two hugs, and made my way home.
This evening I got a call from her. Today is Wednesday, and all of this stuff happened yesterday. She said he was still in the hospital, and that they would be putting in a pacemaker tomorrow. His heart beat was so irregular, and even stopped at times. Well, no wonder he's been weak and getting dizzy and falling!
What if? What if a caregiver had not been there? What if nobody asked him to stick out his tongue? What if he EMT crew hadn't come? What if nothing had been done?
Lesson for this day: If something seems out of the ordinary, pursue that thought! Get educated about what signs to look for. Ask questions. Observe. Test.
I am so thankful that a major incident was avoided.
Do you have a way to support yourself, as a family caregiver? You can work from home, like I do. Check out what I'm doing here. I'd love to meet you.
Wednesday, April 23, 2014
My Last Day
I arrived at their house at the usual time, bearing baked chicken and a potato salad from the local deli. I was greeted warmly. She wanted to make me a sandwich, and have all of us eat lunch together. It was to be my last day with them.
He stood at the back sliding glass doors, looking out into the yard. We talked about lawns, and mowing, and I mentioned that we've got 1/3 of an acre, but I am afraid of the riding lawn mower. "Really?" he said, surprised. "My mother is 83 years old, and she mows her lawn with a riding lawn mower." This was highly unusual, because he has been oriented to the present pretty much every day in the past few months. "Well," I said, "I better get a little bolder, then, and try that, too!"
We had lunch, which was pleasant, and I started on some of the basic chores I do each time I'm there. Soon, he decided he needed to go outside, but he had difficulty verbalizing what he wanted to do. "I need to find some stuff to... put some stuff in.... I need to take that...." I said "I bet you're going to try to fill up the yard recycle bin again, aren't you?"
"YES!" (relief)
As always, I kept tabs on where he was outside, and watched him as I went from room to room. Just before 3, I saw that the wheel barrow was standing by the living room window, but there was no man. In fact, I said that to his wife. "There's a wheel barrow, but no man." She called and whistled from the front door and the back. No answer. I was getting ready to head out to check when a rapid doorbell ring started us. I opened the door to find a worried neighbor. "The man - your husband? He's fallen out here, and I can't help him."
We found him, seated under the overhang beside the house, straddling and holding onto a post. He was trying with all his strength to get himself to stand. The neighbor stood by, concerned but baffled as to how this was going to work. I coached him to scoot his bottom back about a foot to give us a little working room, then had the neighbor plant her foot in front of his right foot, to keep it from sliding as I would help him to stand. One, two, three, up. He was more weak and shaky than I've ever seen. I had him hang onto the post for a while and get his "sea legs". He stood in a weird position, which was also concerning. We made our way into the mudroom and I helped him sit on the shower chair stored there. "Do me a favor." I said. "Stick your tongue out at me." He did, and that tongue pointed completely to the right, rather than being centered. To his wife I said "This isn't just a simple fall, please call his doctor." The doctor asked that 911 be called immediately.
She had brought a set of sweat clothes, and was, herself, planning to help him into them. He's very "private" was the reasoning. Yes, and she is walking with the assistance of a cane. So - no. I told him "I'm going to help you change your clothes now. I'll use your walker to help you stay steady while we get those muddy pants off." He looked at me, with a puzzled and maybe a little embarrassed look. "I do this every day." I said. That was sufficient, and the job was quickly done.
Once we arrived at the hospital, the long part of the day started. I'll tell you about that on the next post, because this is already too long and you're getting bored. Just know that my day didn't end until after 10:30 PM.
He stood at the back sliding glass doors, looking out into the yard. We talked about lawns, and mowing, and I mentioned that we've got 1/3 of an acre, but I am afraid of the riding lawn mower. "Really?" he said, surprised. "My mother is 83 years old, and she mows her lawn with a riding lawn mower." This was highly unusual, because he has been oriented to the present pretty much every day in the past few months. "Well," I said, "I better get a little bolder, then, and try that, too!"
We had lunch, which was pleasant, and I started on some of the basic chores I do each time I'm there. Soon, he decided he needed to go outside, but he had difficulty verbalizing what he wanted to do. "I need to find some stuff to... put some stuff in.... I need to take that...." I said "I bet you're going to try to fill up the yard recycle bin again, aren't you?"
"YES!" (relief)
As always, I kept tabs on where he was outside, and watched him as I went from room to room. Just before 3, I saw that the wheel barrow was standing by the living room window, but there was no man. In fact, I said that to his wife. "There's a wheel barrow, but no man." She called and whistled from the front door and the back. No answer. I was getting ready to head out to check when a rapid doorbell ring started us. I opened the door to find a worried neighbor. "The man - your husband? He's fallen out here, and I can't help him."
We found him, seated under the overhang beside the house, straddling and holding onto a post. He was trying with all his strength to get himself to stand. The neighbor stood by, concerned but baffled as to how this was going to work. I coached him to scoot his bottom back about a foot to give us a little working room, then had the neighbor plant her foot in front of his right foot, to keep it from sliding as I would help him to stand. One, two, three, up. He was more weak and shaky than I've ever seen. I had him hang onto the post for a while and get his "sea legs". He stood in a weird position, which was also concerning. We made our way into the mudroom and I helped him sit on the shower chair stored there. "Do me a favor." I said. "Stick your tongue out at me." He did, and that tongue pointed completely to the right, rather than being centered. To his wife I said "This isn't just a simple fall, please call his doctor." The doctor asked that 911 be called immediately.
She had brought a set of sweat clothes, and was, herself, planning to help him into them. He's very "private" was the reasoning. Yes, and she is walking with the assistance of a cane. So - no. I told him "I'm going to help you change your clothes now. I'll use your walker to help you stay steady while we get those muddy pants off." He looked at me, with a puzzled and maybe a little embarrassed look. "I do this every day." I said. That was sufficient, and the job was quickly done.
Once we arrived at the hospital, the long part of the day started. I'll tell you about that on the next post, because this is already too long and you're getting bored. Just know that my day didn't end until after 10:30 PM.
Tuesday, April 1, 2014
"Come on, Cindy!"
I brought them a small order of Fettuccini Alfredo from Panera Bread, for their lunch. It came with wonderful crusty French Bread.
Don was very quiet, and seemed distant, sitting in his chair in the family room. We called him several times to come in for lunch. I wondered if she had told him about my resignation. Finally, he walked into the dining room.
He knows, and remembers, that we are thinking of the day we can move from Sultan, closer to access to my business team. He's been thinking about this a lot. While Ella washed her hands, Don took me to the sliding glass door. He pointed to the neighbor's house below. "See that house? That's our neighbor. He isn't there very much. Sometimes he's gone for a week, then just comes back for one day. Sometimes he is there two days, mows his lawn, cleans up a little, and then he's gone for two weeks. Do you know what Ella and I think?"
"No...."
"Well.... we think maybe he can buy your house!"
I know this means that he thinks David and I can buy this neighbor's house.
"Ah, I get it! You just want cinnamon rolls and coffee every morning!" He smiles, and nods. His smile is huge. By now, Ella is back. I turned to her and explained that Don was plotting to have us buy the neighbor's house so he can have fresh cinnamon rolls every day.
"Let's go ask him", Don suggests. I can imagine what the thought of this means to Don. Someone he knows and trusts to keep him safe, living right there.
But it was time for lunch. I dished up the portions, after they sat down. Don promptly offered me his portion of the lunch. He always does this. He did get me to eat half of his French bread. Lunch was very enjoyable. We chatted about our weeks. I was surprised, at the end of lunch, when Ella immediately suggested that we go for a walk. I said "I guess we can take a walk before I get into my 'Cinderella' stuff " (She has me cleaning house far more than I caregive) He cheerfully reached for his shoes and said, "Come on, Cindy!"
He apologized for needing his cane today, but he really did need it. Still, we took a nice, long walk. As soon as we leave the house, he starts talking. He tells me everything about everyone in the neighborhood. Today, as most days, he occasionally lost a word he wanted to say. But mostly he did just fine, and gave me the insider info on everyone. "She goes to work at about four. Her husband comes home at six..." I love that. He wants all of the neighbors to wave and talk with him. He's highly offended if they ignore us. I know these outings are his freedom, and of course my heart hurts knowing there are only three more. With me. Can anyone else do this? My ego wants to think not.
He had an obsession with the recycle bin today. There was a newspaper he was sure I needed. "Don't take the..... the things. Don't take them out."
While I was cleaning, he went outside and completed his mission.
He came in, triumphant, holding two, a bit worse for the wear, newspapers. He had gone outside saying "I'll be back in a minute". He knew Ella didn't want him rummaging around in the recycle bin. We talked about the horror of the Oso mudslide. He is convinced I live near there, and must know someone involved.
Ella had tea brewed for us. I'd brought a cinnamon roll from Panera Bread, and Ella had me cut it into thirds. You must know, of course, that between all of this I vacuumed, mopped, dusted, did laundry, cleaned bathrooms, and stripped and re-made the bed! Anyway, we enjoyed tea and the roll and discussed the day. Afterward, I showed Ella how to search for caregivers online, at Care.com. This is very sad for me, but it really makes sense.
The day ended, as it always does, with hugs and admonitions to drive safely. We'll see you next week.
Don was very quiet, and seemed distant, sitting in his chair in the family room. We called him several times to come in for lunch. I wondered if she had told him about my resignation. Finally, he walked into the dining room.
He knows, and remembers, that we are thinking of the day we can move from Sultan, closer to access to my business team. He's been thinking about this a lot. While Ella washed her hands, Don took me to the sliding glass door. He pointed to the neighbor's house below. "See that house? That's our neighbor. He isn't there very much. Sometimes he's gone for a week, then just comes back for one day. Sometimes he is there two days, mows his lawn, cleans up a little, and then he's gone for two weeks. Do you know what Ella and I think?"
"No...."
"Well.... we think maybe he can buy your house!"
I know this means that he thinks David and I can buy this neighbor's house.
"Ah, I get it! You just want cinnamon rolls and coffee every morning!" He smiles, and nods. His smile is huge. By now, Ella is back. I turned to her and explained that Don was plotting to have us buy the neighbor's house so he can have fresh cinnamon rolls every day.
"Let's go ask him", Don suggests. I can imagine what the thought of this means to Don. Someone he knows and trusts to keep him safe, living right there.
But it was time for lunch. I dished up the portions, after they sat down. Don promptly offered me his portion of the lunch. He always does this. He did get me to eat half of his French bread. Lunch was very enjoyable. We chatted about our weeks. I was surprised, at the end of lunch, when Ella immediately suggested that we go for a walk. I said "I guess we can take a walk before I get into my 'Cinderella' stuff " (She has me cleaning house far more than I caregive) He cheerfully reached for his shoes and said, "Come on, Cindy!"
He apologized for needing his cane today, but he really did need it. Still, we took a nice, long walk. As soon as we leave the house, he starts talking. He tells me everything about everyone in the neighborhood. Today, as most days, he occasionally lost a word he wanted to say. But mostly he did just fine, and gave me the insider info on everyone. "She goes to work at about four. Her husband comes home at six..." I love that. He wants all of the neighbors to wave and talk with him. He's highly offended if they ignore us. I know these outings are his freedom, and of course my heart hurts knowing there are only three more. With me. Can anyone else do this? My ego wants to think not.
He had an obsession with the recycle bin today. There was a newspaper he was sure I needed. "Don't take the..... the things. Don't take them out."
While I was cleaning, he went outside and completed his mission.
He came in, triumphant, holding two, a bit worse for the wear, newspapers. He had gone outside saying "I'll be back in a minute". He knew Ella didn't want him rummaging around in the recycle bin. We talked about the horror of the Oso mudslide. He is convinced I live near there, and must know someone involved.
Ella had tea brewed for us. I'd brought a cinnamon roll from Panera Bread, and Ella had me cut it into thirds. You must know, of course, that between all of this I vacuumed, mopped, dusted, did laundry, cleaned bathrooms, and stripped and re-made the bed! Anyway, we enjoyed tea and the roll and discussed the day. Afterward, I showed Ella how to search for caregivers online, at Care.com. This is very sad for me, but it really makes sense.
The day ended, as it always does, with hugs and admonitions to drive safely. We'll see you next week.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)