We don't live here

When I arrived on Friday I could see she was exhausted. The spouse of someone with Dementia is usually getting up in years themselves. This is so hard, even for younger people to deal with.

I brought them a deli chicken, but she wanted leftover prime rib sandwiches. We saved the chicken for dinner.

It was an uncharacteristically warm day for this time of year. After lunch, Don went into the family room as if to sit down, but he was actually planning his escape. Ella went into her office to do some bill paying, and I started on the house work. But I got this "feeling" and went looking for Don. He wasn't in the family room. I went to all the rooms of the house - and then stuck my head out the back door. There he was, getting ready to start raking up debris in the yard. He looked guilty. "I was hoping you wouldn't see me" he said with a little smile. By this time Ella had appeared behind me, but I didn't know it. "I've got my eye on you!" I said to Don, and Ella laughed. She looked so tired. I told her I was going to go out and help him in the yard. She sighed and said "I hope you don't mind - I'm going to bed."

Don and I cleaned up the yard, and filled the yard waste container to the top. He wanted to use his saw or chain saw to cut up a particularly large branch, but I suggested that perhaps his grandson might enjoy that job. Thankfully, he agreed. As we looked over the yard and the neighbor's yard, he said "You know, we don't live here."

"Oh?"

"The city. The City of Bothell. I don't know how they did it. But while I was in the hospital they moved this house, and that house" he gestured toward the neighbor's house. He starts in on this from time to time. He hasn't talked about the house moving for a long while - at least not to me. The subject really agitates him, and he gets fixated on it. He really wants to know how they moved those houses, and why. But I said "Even though you don't live here, you're sure doing a great job keeping this yard looking amazing." He liked that.

When we had joined forces to pull the recycle bin up to the space beside the garage, I said "Are you done in, or are you up for a walk?" He was very happily up for a walk. Since we were just fresh off the house moving subject, I asked him to take a look at the house's foundation. "Does it look okay to you?" I asked. "It looks great!" he said.

The confusion continued, though, and he was still very upset about not being where he was supposed to be, and why he was in this house. It got to the point where I could not think of anything to say to distract or calm him, so I took him by the arm and I asked "Do you feel safe here?"
"Yes", he said, thoughtfully.
"Are you comfortable here?"
"Yes."
"And you have Ella with you here."
"Yes."
"Then - is there anything else more important than that?"
Pause
"No."
The relief on his face was very rewarding. We took our walk. I'll talk about that next time.

Just want family caregivers to know a couple of things. One - take a break. Let the hired caregiver take over for you sometimes. Two - sometimes you can't win an argument (shouldn't actually argue) or solve an issue. Go to the heart of the matter in that case. Make sure your loved one feels safe, secure, and comfortable. Those things are the most important.

If all else fails, beat it with your cane!

They had a doctor's appointment yesterday, so when I arrived at 12:30 both were dressed, had sweaters on, and were ready to go. I was to clean the entire house while they were gone, with special emphasis on the gas range grates. Seriously. Oh, did I mention - I was hired as a Care Giver? Normally I would be taking them to that appointment, making sure they were safe and secure, and driving them back home. But she is still very much "in charge".

The appointment proved to be too much for her, and when they arrived back home nearly 3 hours later, she was exhausted and had a headache. Carpet cleaners were coming the next day, and she was fussing about needing to move all of the odds and ends of furniture. She told me that "we", meaning she and I, would be moving the furniture. Suddenly something else urgent popped into her head. They had just purchased new lamps, which came packed in a huge amount of styrofoam. She wanted me to smash it all down and put it into the garbage. "There is too much", I said. "To smash it would cause a huge mess, with small pieces flying all over, and even then it won't fit into your garbage can. Better to put it in black garbage bags and THEN smash it, and have it taken to a large dumpster." She was obviously very displeased at my answer, but, true to her usual method of operation, she said nothing. She simply took a large butcher knife, her cane, and her determination, and went out to do it herself. Pretty soon the husband and I heard a commotion out by the garbage can, which I'd already placed at the edge of the sidewalk. There she was, with one large piece of styrofoam sticking out of the can, beating it with her cane. He smiled. We stood at the window watching her. "Wow." he said softly, "she's really beating the hell out of that, isn't she?" We laughed. I said I was worried the neighbors would think they were witnessing a crime scene. It was an interesting thing, to be enjoying this with him, so amused. I was hoping this activity would relieve some of her tension.


She came back to the house, styrofoam in tow, defeated. "There's too much" she said. "It's making a huge mess to try to smash it up. I'm going to just put it into large black garbage bags and have Don Jr haul it off later." Gosh. Wish I would have thought of that!

She plopped down on a chair but her mind was still swirling. The furniture HAD to be moved.

He wanted to help. She kept nagging at him to sit down. I was wondering if she really thought I was going to move two rooms of furniture and all that was on them by myself. I smiled at Don. "Hey. Wanna help me move some furniture?" Finding herself too weak to argue, she watched while the two of us moved flowers, pictures, candles, and tables, as well as the very heavy dining room chairs. On moving the final heavy end table, I felt his side of the load start to shake so I said "I have an idea! Just set it down and I'll slide it the rest of the way." Dignity saved, and no harm done. I'm sure all that lifting was actually good for him, and it certainly made him feel manly again!

Is Your Elder Getting Enough Protein?

Typically, the appetite seems to decrease in many elderly people. It's sometimes a struggle to get the necessary nutrition into your elder. I find the desire for cookies, cakes, pies, and snack foods is greater than the desire for healthy meals.

I often prepare small, very attractive meals for this reason. If allowed to choose the foods myself, I select lean meats, eggs, fish, and vegetable proteins, along with raw or lightly cooked vegetables.


But, how do you know if your elderly family member or client is getting enough protein, and if they are absorbing it? Supplementing with a clean whey protein seems to be the very best answer. Please read what Dr. Michael Colgan says about this:

Protein Absorption
Dr Michael Colgan 15 January 2014
Whey and casein proteins from milk have the greatest bioavailability when compared to popular protein alternatives, including egg, soy, and all other vegetable proteins. 
Undenatured whey protein is water soluble, thus is quickly digested in the body, earning it the “fast protein” title. It’s amino acids are quickly available in large quantities soon after consumption (30-45 minutes).
Casein is water insoluble and coagulates, resulting in a slow-release mechanism of amino acids over a longer period of time. Consumption of a casein supplement results in slower availability of amino acids, which is why it is labeled a “slow protein.” Although superior to egg, soy, and other vegetable protein, casein proteins are too slowly absorbed to take advantage of the greater anabolic state of the body that occurs for about 90 minutes after workout (Campbell et al., 2007; Wilson and Wilson, 2006).

Campbell B, Kreider RB, Ziegenfuss T, La Bounty P, Roberts M, Burke D, Landis J, Lopez H, Antonio J International Society of Sports Nutrition position stand: protein and exercise. J Int Soc Sports Nutr. 2007 Sep 26; 4():8.
Wilson J, Wilson GJ. Contemporary issues in protein requirements and consumption for resistance trained athletes. J Int Soc Sports Nutr. 2006 Jun 5; 3():7-27.

I have my favorite source for undenatured whey protein. If you're curious about that, just ask, or look at my products link to the right. I've been using this for over 7 years, personally, and have seen it make a profound impact in the lives of elderly people. I see increased stamina, strength, focus, and when needed, a loss of excess weight.

Fellow caregivers will receive special care from me, should you choose to give this particular whey protein meal replacement/enhancement a try, for you, or for your elderly client or family member. 

Who Knew? Staples has Home Health Supplies!

I am a caregiver. You knew that. But you didn't know that I'm always thinking of things that can make my clients' lives a little easier - on and off the job.

Today I was searching for something to lift the blankets away from my client's delicate feet. What is available is so flimsy, it makes it impossible for her to make her own bed. I decided a bedside table would work - placed near the end of the bed, under the linens, lifting all away from her feet but remaining firmly in place. Doing a web search, I discovered one available at Staples, of all places, and for a lot less than the medical supply places.

So I decided to browse further, and I found this! One of the most dangerous places in the home, for elderly or infirm people, is the bathroom. When a family caregiver, especially an elderly spouse, assists with bathing, it can be a recipe for disaster. This unit  would allow the easiest transfer ever. Many bathrooms are arranged in the way this picture shows. The couple for whom I am currently working (Don and Ella) have this set-up in their main bathroom. Currently, she is assisting him in the glass-enclosed shower in the second bathroom. I shake my head over this one, and know that one of these days...

My blog on showering an elderly person, a step by step guide, has proven to be the most popular post I've ever done. So I know that caregivers are looking for ways to accomplish this more easily. In that blog, the instruction to have the towels in the dryer and go grab them toward the end of the shower, would apply to someone using a device like the one I linked above, being used by someone of sound mind and strong enough to safely stay put while you go and get the towels. Alternatively, you can have the hot towels wrapped securely together during the shower, and they should stay nicely warm.

I'm not affiliated with Staples, but I thought I would pass along this resource.

Please feel free to contact me with any issues you're having. Sometimes brainstorming can open up solutions you might not otherwise have thought about. You can reach me by cell at 425-802-2763

Family caregivers - I salute you! Stay safe.

"And I'm Right Here"

I use the term "insurance policy" for a lot of things in Care Giving. The adult bib, for instance. It's an insurance policy to protect the beautiful blouse. Same with adult incontinence products. Insures against a problematic situation.

The other day, I saw that Don was struggling to rise from the recliner. It is a rocker/recliner which also rotates in a full circle. This makes it far less than ideal for someone with strength and balance issues. It won't be long until he will require a new chair, but for now it's mostly okay. I rushed to his side, because he had partially risen to a standing position, then plopped back down into the chair. Ella was attempting to help him by barking at him "MOVE FORWARD. SCOOT FORWARD. YES. OK STAND UP"  I went to his side to place my arm under his right arm and steady him as he stood. I am, after all, a care giver...   I said "Sometimes all you need is a little insurance policy..." and Ella stepped directly into his field of vision and said, loudly, "And I'm right here. All the time."

So there is a guy in a weakened state, attempting to go from sitting to standing in a recliner which rocks and rotates, and in front of him is a woman his age who walks with a cane and has a hip surgery which has not yet entirely healed. Can you see anything wrong with this picture? Let's see what just might happen. He might fall back, pulling her with him. That wouldn't be so bad, as they'd be in the soft confines of the chair. He might fall forward, pushing her down with him. That would be very bad, as it would place both of them out of reach of the phone.

But, to them, my "place" is behind the vacuum and mop, or in the kitchen, or laundry. I've been hired to care for the house, and the house does not appreciate my training or my work. But she's right here. She can handle this care giving - after all; he's been her husband for so many years.

As hard as it is to accept the help of a caregiver, it's very important to do so when the need arises. First of all, a family care giver who is, herself, in her 80's, will quickly burn out, or worse. Another fall, for her, would put her into the hospital at best. Then what would he do?

Encourage your loved one to take full advantage of respite care, and care givers. Reassure Mom that it's not shameful to have someone else care for Dad - that you love her and want her to be healthy. Same would apply if it's Mom who needs help and Dad feels like he can handle it. They can't. Not for long. You may have to be the insurance policy for them - to keep them from being. harmed themselves.

And if you find yourself in the position of providing care yourself, and want to know how you can be paid while caring for them full time, take a look at my blog about that here.

Brave Face

She's asleep when I arrive. I am not surprised by this, because it's only 10:00 AM.

I let myself in and get to work on the list. To her, the list seemed overwhelming. Roast marrow bones in preparation for making bone broth. Start broth simmering, with chicken and turkey carcasses. Simmer chicken hearts with onion and bay leaf. Empty dishwasher. Fold clean laundry. Change kitty litter. It's now 10:45 and she is up, and very surprised.

She greets me with a smile. It's a brave smile, and the left side of her mouth raises just a bit higher than the right. Her eyes are sunken, and rimmed with red. She's so thin it hurts my heart. But she says, in her very soft voice, "I could smell onions when I woke up, so I knew Ruth was here." She's beautiful. Still.

This is her first day of having an in home care giver. For a couple of years all I've done is transport her to and from doctors' appointments, and various errands. I love this woman, and desire to simply be her friend. I do not want to be her care giver, and yet it's my honor that she has asked. What I want is to meet her for coffee, or a walk in the park, or to go shopping.

The pain behind her brave face was put there by Lyme Disease. She's only learned this recently. For years she has battled symptoms which have been attributed to many things. She has endured rounds of antibiotics, surgeries, and treatment from multiple health care providers. Her system has become so delicate that there are few things she can eat anymore, and her weight loss is shocking. Typical of a chronic Lyme Disease sufferer, she has weakness, pain, headaches, and severe fatigue.  Now, at a few years younger than I am, she gets to experience the world of having an in-home caregiver. Some daily tasks are now just too much.

What will always make me sad is how long it took her family to realize she was in need of their support and help. 

Lying on the little couch, she receives a very non-professional massage from me. Just to get some blood flow. Just to provide a little pressure to relieve the pain. It's difficult to find tissue to massage, as the persistent illness has all but consumed her.

At the end of my time there, the garbage is out and all is in order. We will be going to a specialist on Friday. I am holding out enough hope for both of us, that an answer will be found.

She hugs me goodbye, again with that brave face and smile. She looks like someone deeply involved in the fight of her life. And she is.