"And I'm Right Here"

I use the term "insurance policy" for a lot of things in Care Giving. The adult bib, for instance. It's an insurance policy to protect the beautiful blouse. Same with adult incontinence products. Insures against a problematic situation.

The other day, I saw that Don was struggling to rise from the recliner. It is a rocker/recliner which also rotates in a full circle. This makes it far less than ideal for someone with strength and balance issues. It won't be long until he will require a new chair, but for now it's mostly okay. I rushed to his side, because he had partially risen to a standing position, then plopped back down into the chair. Ella was attempting to help him by barking at him "MOVE FORWARD. SCOOT FORWARD. YES. OK STAND UP"  I went to his side to place my arm under his right arm and steady him as he stood. I am, after all, a care giver...   I said "Sometimes all you need is a little insurance policy..." and Ella stepped directly into his field of vision and said, loudly, "And I'm right here. All the time."

So there is a guy in a weakened state, attempting to go from sitting to standing in a recliner which rocks and rotates, and in front of him is a woman his age who walks with a cane and has a hip surgery which has not yet entirely healed. Can you see anything wrong with this picture? Let's see what just might happen. He might fall back, pulling her with him. That wouldn't be so bad, as they'd be in the soft confines of the chair. He might fall forward, pushing her down with him. That would be very bad, as it would place both of them out of reach of the phone.

But, to them, my "place" is behind the vacuum and mop, or in the kitchen, or laundry. I've been hired to care for the house, and the house does not appreciate my training or my work. But she's right here. She can handle this care giving - after all; he's been her husband for so many years.

As hard as it is to accept the help of a caregiver, it's very important to do so when the need arises. First of all, a family care giver who is, herself, in her 80's, will quickly burn out, or worse. Another fall, for her, would put her into the hospital at best. Then what would he do?

Encourage your loved one to take full advantage of respite care, and care givers. Reassure Mom that it's not shameful to have someone else care for Dad - that you love her and want her to be healthy. Same would apply if it's Mom who needs help and Dad feels like he can handle it. They can't. Not for long. You may have to be the insurance policy for them - to keep them from being. harmed themselves.

And if you find yourself in the position of providing care yourself, and want to know how you can be paid while caring for them full time, take a look at my blog about that here.