"Should I tell my mom she has asked the same question ten times?"

What if your 3-year-old stayed 3 forever? That's a little bit like handling some adults with Dementia or Alzheimer's. Occasional (or frequent) loss of bladder or bowel control. Arguing. Endless questions. Repetition. Anxiety and fear over things imagined. 


Telling your mom she has asked the same question numerous times is hurtful. Your mom has Dementia. She does not remember asking that question, or your answer, or she would not ask again. She's not stupid. I play games in my mind when dealing with the Dementia repetitiveness. I think about the movie 'Ground Hog Day' and that song coming on the clock radio again, and again. 


Try pretending you are an actor, rehearsing. You're just going through your lines again. Make them as real and believable this time as the last fifteen times. "Yes, Mom, it really is cold outside. I'm afraid the little birds may need ice skates soon. See? The bird bath is frozen over." The nice thing is you can get lots of mileage from that one joke. 


Here is a tip for taking to someone with Dementia who is repeating something and seems to feel anxious about it. Get in their face. I mean this is the kindest way. Lean in, so close, and place your hand on their hand. Smile. Tell them the answer as you look them right in the eyes. I use this often, and it works like a charm. No matter what is being asked, I can answer this way, with lower, gentle voice, firm touch on the hand or hands, and a smile. 


You might talk with a 3-year-old in much the same way, to calm them and get their attention. Here's what you won't do, though, for mom. 

• No childish voice or cutesy language (she's 83, not 3)
• No condescension (she may have Dementia, but she knows sarcasm and insult)
• No irritation (yep, that's a tough one!)

If you grow weary of saying the same thing over and over, try re-directing her to something else. I often have to turn the page of the newspaper because hearing that same headline for the 15th time can really get to me! Especially if I'm trying to do the dishes. It takes her a little while to find it again.

So, in summary - (there will be a quiz later) speak in a gentle manner, with low tones, use touch to cue her in on what you are saying, and get into her direct field of vision with a smile. Even if your words sound like the Charlie Brown adults (mwaa mwa mwa), she'll feel better. 

Do you think she doesn't know she's broken?