Finding The Words

He fills in the gaps with gestures. Sweeping gestures, as if inviting me to find the words that have escaped his fragile mind. I search for them as hard as I can; I do not want to disappoint. The enthusiastic "YES!" is a reward. If I am unable to find the missing words, he shakes his head and says "Ohhhh. My... dumb brain..." and taps his forehead. But those moments are fewer, as he has figured out that I can piece a story together pretty well without a few elusive words.

We started off on our walk on Tuesday after filling the yard waste recycle bin. At first, he wanted to grab his saw and cut the branches we couldn't fit into the bin, into smaller pieces. I made him a deal, which he accepted, to take a walk instead. Magic words - "Your doctor has asked you to take more walks."
"Oh, I know," he said, resigned. But, in fact, he was looking forward to taking a walk. We had gentle snow flurries swirling around and it was just beautiful.


He's always wanting to give me gloves, and this day was no exception. He thought I should wear the gardening gloves I'd been using, during the walk, and then take them  home. So endearing. But we got the proper gloves on, and set out on our walk.

In the driveway he suddenly lists to the right, like a ship that hit a big wave. "Did the driveway move on you?" I ask, cheerfully, reaching for his arm. "Yes. Yes it did. Just a little." He's fine.

The neighborhood has no sidewalks, and that's a little scary, but I don't let on that it is. This day he has chosen not to take his cane.

Here's the epiphany I got on Tuesday. When we leave the house together, he starts talking and does not stop until we're back in the house. He has a running commentary on the homes, the construction, and the past events of the neighborhood. He chats with neighbors, easily, knowing exactly who they are and asking appropriate questions of them. He gets stuck, sometimes, as he tells me the story of one of the neighbors. That word loss thing. He gestures, inviting me to find the missing words. It's like a game. Once he told me that the neighbor worked for my friend. He looked at me square in the eyes after he said that, and I wildly searched the memory banks for who "my friend" could be. "The former governor?" I asked. "YES!!!" Whew!


Tuesday as we neared the house again, after our walk, he was clearly tired and cold. I said "Hey, at least this way, when your doctor asks if you've been taking walks, you can say yes!"
He stopped and smiled, then leaned in and said;
"Sometimes I lie."

How do I keep my energy and focus while caregiving? I have a secret. I'd love to share it with you, if you're in need of energy too. It may or may not be for you, but it works for me! Check it out here. There is a short video, and if you introduce yourself you can step into my virtual store.