"An item"

Dementia has a lot of stages, and a lot of manifestations. So far, with Don, it's been very low key and predictable.

Friday I arrived to find Ella a little bit rattled. Seems Don was insisting on going out into the yard and working all alone, which is so unsafe for him. He also had taken a great risk and stepped over a kiddie gate blocking the stairs on the back deck. She had begged him to wait for me to arrive to go into the yard, but he countered it with "Don't tell me what to do!" And so that phase begins.


After I arrived he confided in me that he had sneaked out. I reminded him that I enjoy working with him in the yard, and that I'm there to help keep him safe. We went out and worked hard, and as always he chatted happily while we were out there.

Then we were done. Well, the clean up was done, but he wasn't "done" being in the yard. I followed him to the shed. He turned and looked directly at me with a look I had not seen before.
"Don't you have some work to do inside?" he asked. I smiled.
"I always have work I can do."
"I'll be out here for two hours."
"Um..... "
"Okay, I'll be out here for ten minutes, then."
"OK. But I will be watching you from inside."

Reluctantly, I went back into the house to do a few  household chores, checking on him every few minutes. I could see his gray head through the shed window. He was walking back and forth, aimlessly. Take the gloves off. Put them back on. Pick up a tool. Put it back.

In about half an hour I came out there as if nothing had happened and asked if he was ready to take a walk. He was very ready, and was back to his normal happy demeanor. I just think he needed to have his way for once. The thing is, that won't be safe at all for much longer. That's unfortunate.


We took a wonderful walk around the neighborhood, talking with anyone who happened to be around. It's like the air lights up his brain. When we got back, I suggested that we take a drive and check out where I used to live, and some of the new construction in the area. He was very happy about this, because he loves my truck.


We drove and drove and drove, and he directed me where to turn with flawless accuracy. It was amazing, and so much fun. Almost 100% of what he said was lucid and perfect. We saw where I used to live, and he admired my old neighborhood.

His daughter had arrived just as we were leaving for the drive, but he was unconcerned and didn't seem anxious to get back home. When we did get back home, he was exceptionally happy. The daughter had brought Valentine's Day cupcakes and invited me to have one. Suddenly, Don started out the back door into the garage. "Where ya goin', Dad?" his daughter called out.
"Just out here...." he said in his lilting voice.
They looked at me. I said "I think he's going to the freezer."
Sure enough, that's where he was. His daughter asked him what he was getting out there.
"Oh, just an item." he said casually.

He returned with a precious little plastic dish of frozen applesauce. Applesauce he had made. It was for me.


Maybe you understand this gesture. Maybe you'll have to think about it. He made that applesauce during his last "okay" weeks. He will never make applesauce again. He wanted to give me something. He wanted to give me something back.

An item.


It's very, very special to me.

How do you get through long days of caring for someone with Dementia? How do you take care of YOU? I take good care of me. Here's how.