Why does this look exactly like my house?

Don is growing more confused. Usually I get a good hour or two of lucid from him, but not today. His mind is slipping away so quickly it's alarming.

I arrived at the usual time, 12:30, and I had a real treat for the two of them. I could hardly wait to show them what I'd made. I had freshly  made bread dough, and had formed little "roses" around a chicken and broccoli filling I created. These were baked, and looked and smelled SO delicious. Ella was delighted!

Then she showed me "the note". Not just one - there was the "duty" note, and the "food" note. Seems there's been a family discussion. I already do absolutely everything on the to-do list, so that felt a little strange to see it all block printed like that. And the food list - well - let's just say they must not be happy with me creating healthful recipes from fresh ingredients. I now get to use ham, make fried cube steaks, use boxed seasoning mixes, and premade baking mix. This came as quite a shock. I'll work around it.

First on the list was taking Don out for a walk, which I did very happily. Usually he has been very "with it" when we're outside. Today this was not true. The first thing he said was "How did they do that?" as he looked at the garage, confused. "That looks exactly like my house. In fact .... this whole thing. It looks like my house. How did they do that?"

"Interesting" I said. "I don't know how they did that. Let's walk up here." We took a really great walk, and midway through he started naming the neighbors and telling me stories of the past, all of which sounded plausible. He was pretty steady on his feet, although he gave me a few scares as he walked on the uneven edge of the pavement. There are no sidewalks there. Thankfully, it's a set of super quiet streets. When we got back around by his house, he started in on another topic that became a fixation for the rest of the day. "What I want to know is - how did they move this house here from where it was?" You just have to go with the flow when this starts, and I told him that moving homes isn't that uncommon. In fact, I told him about the church in Waterville that one day rolled down the street in front of our house. "People move houses all the time!" I said. We don't have to know how, fortunately. That's not my line of work. Is that your line of work?"
"No" he admitted.
This subject came up over and over today. He said "Ella keeps trying to tell me they haven't moved the house, but I know they did. I don't know why she says that."

We came back to the house for lunch. I had put the little rolls into the oven to stay nice and warm while we walked. I served these with raw vegetables. Don ended up eating three! I love hearing the "mmmmm" sounds while they enjoy lunch.

Ella informed Don that his son, Don Jr, had called earlier. "Did you ask him how my mother is?" Don asked her. I could see this question threw Ella - so I piped up and said "Sometimes it helps to make notes of what you want to ask people when they call." This new normal is not coming easily to Ella.

Later, not long before I left for the day, Don pulled me aside and said very quietly "Are you one of those people who knows a lot about a lot of things?"
"I like to think I am!" I said and smiled.
"Well, I'd sure like to know how they moved that house down there from across the street. I was sick for one week, and when I came back it was moved. I know they moved it."
"Tell ya what" I said to him. "If I want to know anything, I look it up on the Internet. I'll go home and look that up on the Internet, and I'll print whatever I find and bring it to you. How does that sound?"
Well, that sounded just fine to him, and the questions stopped. Somehow that relieved him. I didn't argue, I just said I'd look it up.
When Ella came back into the room, Don told her "I went for a walk earlier, and a nice lady stayed real close. She was wearing a green sweater." Ella smiled and said, "Well, there's a lady here who is still close and she's in a green sweater!"

If you have a loved one who is losing themselves to Dementia, there are some basic conversation ground rules that will make their lives less scary. Don't argue or correct them. If they ask about something like their mother, or father, or home, get them to talk to you about that. "Sounds like you really love your mother. Tell me about her." Remember, and this is super important, if you helpfully inform them that their mother is dead, it's the first time they've ever heard this information. You will succeed in being right, and in devastating them. My advice is - don't do that. Walk in their reality. Get used to the new normal.