When Music Hurts

Ralph isn't feeling well today. Asked how he felt on a scale of one to ten, he replied "A three". Modern medicine is keeping him alive, but not making him healthy. This hurts my heart. So we wait it out. There are more hugs now.




Ralph, as most of you know, is a retired Airforce Colonel. He and his lovely bride have been married 66 years. I know that they both love music.


So I got the CD, 'Songs That Got Us Through WWII' and researched alll the song titles, printing off the lyrics to some of the best.


Today at lunch we played the CD. It started off very well, with 'Boogie Woogie Bugle Boy'.  We sat around their small kitchen table finishing French toast, and sipping water. Once lunch was done they just stayed put. They were happy and singing along. Then came the song 'Coming in on a Wing and a Prayer'. Too, too close to home for the colonel. We went from three voices to two, and then I saw his shoulders shaking.  He told us, in halting words, how on each mission one or more planes would not return. And the tears flowed. He got in control, and then started to tell us a story about his favorite co-pilot, only to have the tears start again. Martha was so concerned, and both she and I had tears as well. No way to help that. I said "Did we walk just a bit too far down 'Memory Lane'?" Ralph just nodded, wiping his eyes. I patted his hand and said "Tears are not bad. It's okay to cry."


Note to self: Buy a Glen Miller CD next time.


Ralph isn't feeling well today. Asked how he felt on a scale of one to ten, he replied "A three". Modern medicine is keeping him alive, but not making him healthy. This hurts my heart. So we wait it out. There are more hugs now. More "I love yous". I created a Gmail account for Ralph today, and had him send his first email to his grandson, who is deployed to Afghanistan. I told them I'd bring my digital camera Saturday, and we'd take some pictures of them on their deck, with the gorgeous fall leaves in the background, and send it to Jonathan via email. I had promised Martha that I would find things to lift Ralph's spirits.


Today, after lunch and after Martha had showered and dressed, Ralph asked me to help him shower. The ordinarily reserved and shy bather was very vulnerable in allowing full assistance today. I am very careful to preserve his modesty in every way I can, but this trust is an honor. I wrapped him in two towels, but the heated ones are a treat reserved for Martha. I brought out a striking navy blue polo shirt, telling him "Blue, sir, is your color!" He loves this. He proudly strutted out for his wife to admire him, and admire she did. It was precious. Normally I do not get choked up, even when things are so painful to hear and see. Today I was not so strong.


Tonight I may be completely agitated as I am awakened again and again for lengthy potty trips, but then again... maybe not.