Bubble and Squeak

Otherwise known as fried potatoes and cabbage!


This is a properly combined meal, for those seniors who have digestion issues. Protein will be served at another time, in that case. 

• 1 lb russet baking potatoes
• 1/2 cup coconut oil
• 1 large onion, diced
• 1 lb green or Savoy cabbage, cored and thinly sliced
• 3/4 teaspoon sea salt
• 1/2 teaspoon freshly ground black pepper

Peel potatoes and cut into 1" chunks.


Place potatoes in Dutch oven, cover with cold water, and bring to a boil. Boil, uncovered, until tender (about 15 minutes). Drain.


Heat coconut oil in heavy skillet over medium-high heat. Saute onion until sightly browned and carmelized, about 10 minutes. Add cabbage with salt and pepper and saute until tender, about 5-10 more minutes. Feel free to add more coconut oil if vegetables stick or get too brown. 


Add potatoes, mashing and stirring into cabbage (leave some of the potatoes lumpy). Press with a large spoon or spatula to form a cake.


Cook without turning until the underside is golden and crusty, about 10 minutes. Serve at once with additional coconut oil, salt, and pepper. 


This would go well with a tossed salad or crusty bread. You may also serve with additional vegetables. 

"You'll Think I'm a Nut"

She was crying, out of the blue, during the late morning on Thursday. I put my hand on her shoulder. "Is something specific wrong, or is this just a sadness wave?"

"It's a sadness wave."

"Ok, then. I'm sorry... and, it will pass."

Later it was time for Martha's shower, and that's always our time to talk deeply. I don't know why. David thinks the analogy of being "exposed and vulnerable" leads to her willingness to open up and talk.

An hour before her shower, I warm up a couple of tablespoons of coconut oil and massage it into Martha's scalp. At the start of her shower, I scrub her back with a hot, soapy washcloth, and wash her hair with medicated shampoo. Then she takes care of the rest of her shower, seated securely on a shower seat. I return to dry her off and help her out of the shower to get dressed. I blow dry her hair into her signature bob after applying lavender oil or herbal balm to the scaly patches on her head.

As she calls "Okayyyy", signalling her shower is done, I gather hot towels from the dryer. I put a hand towel on her head, a bath towel around her shoulders, and one wrapped around her front. All are hot and fluffy from the dryer. Then I massage her arthritic shoulders through the hot towel, and go about the drying process.

Thursday, after I put the hot hand towel on her hair, she sighed and said "Ohhh that's so good. When I recover enough to tell you why I was crying, you'll think I'm a nut."

"Too late" I said, rubbing her shoulders.

"Should I tell my mom she has asked the same question ten times?"

What if your 3-year-old stayed 3 forever? That's a little bit like handling some adults with Dementia or Alzheimer's. Occasional (or frequent) loss of bladder or bowel control. Arguing. Endless questions. Repetition. Anxiety and fear over things imagined. 


Telling your mom she has asked the same question numerous times is hurtful. Your mom has Dementia. She does not remember asking that question, or your answer, or she would not ask again. She's not stupid. I play games in my mind when dealing with the Dementia repetitiveness. I think about the movie 'Ground Hog Day' and that song coming on the clock radio again, and again. 


Try pretending you are an actor, rehearsing. You're just going through your lines again. Make them as real and believable this time as the last fifteen times. "Yes, Mom, it really is cold outside. I'm afraid the little birds may need ice skates soon. See? The bird bath is frozen over." The nice thing is you can get lots of mileage from that one joke. 


Here is a tip for taking to someone with Dementia who is repeating something and seems to feel anxious about it. Get in their face. I mean this is the kindest way. Lean in, so close, and place your hand on their hand. Smile. Tell them the answer as you look them right in the eyes. I use this often, and it works like a charm. No matter what is being asked, I can answer this way, with lower, gentle voice, firm touch on the hand or hands, and a smile. 


You might talk with a 3-year-old in much the same way, to calm them and get their attention. Here's what you won't do, though, for mom. 

• No childish voice or cutesy language (she's 83, not 3)
• No condescension (she may have Dementia, but she knows sarcasm and insult)
• No irritation (yep, that's a tough one!)

If you grow weary of saying the same thing over and over, try re-directing her to something else. I often have to turn the page of the newspaper because hearing that same headline for the 15th time can really get to me! Especially if I'm trying to do the dishes. It takes her a little while to find it again.

So, in summary - (there will be a quiz later) speak in a gentle manner, with low tones, use touch to cue her in on what you are saying, and get into her direct field of vision with a smile. Even if your words sound like the Charlie Brown adults (mwaa mwa mwa), she'll feel better. 

Do you think she doesn't know she's broken? 

Grieving

Long before Ralph died, and even long before it was very evident he was dying, he began to grieve.  Yes, you read that right; HE began to grieve.

I only wish I had understood that during the time it was happening. Let me give you a little idea of what his caregivers experienced:

• Control freak. Ralph ordered everyone around as if they were on this earth to serve his every whim - no matter how ridiculous. "Turn the plant 1/4 inch to the left. Get me fresh water. Hand me a tissue."    
• Night-time exercise. 3:00am he's up doing arm circles and leg lifts. No, I'm not kidding. Up 2 - 6 times for at least an hour at a time. Expecting the caregiver to be cheerful.

When your loved one doesn't feel like eating

I often encounter the reluctant eater. "I'm just not hungry, honey", they say. Unless a person is in the final stages of life and have begun to shut down, getting good nutrition is very important.

Make small, very attractive mini-meals, and serve them on colorful plates. An elderly person may feel no hunger, until they see and smell a delicious snack. Avoid strong, unpleasant odors if the person has a tendency toward nausea. Sometimes a cooler dish will have less of a strong smell, and be more appealing.

Breathing Exercises

Is your Elder breathing correctly? Here is a three-step process which will relax, alkalize, and help them maximize their oxygen levels.

1. Have the elder lie on their back on a firm bed, or the floor if possible. Bend the knees, placing feet flat, at a comfortable distance from buttocks. Rest their hands on their stomach, just below the ribs.
2. Coach them to breathe in slowly through their nose, filling the lungs. The lower part of their stomach should rise first. If the chest rises first, they are not breathing correctly and are not using their diaphragm. This is shallow, ineffective breathing.
3. Have them exhale slowly through their mouth, emptying their lungs - notice the abdomen flattening. Encourage breathing out for a longer count than they breathed in, completely emptying the lungs.

Lack of oxygen is a common problem with the elderly. This exercise, repeated often, can help. You should do it too!

Nutrition and Digestion

Elderly people may have delicate digestive systems. One day they're constipated; the next they have diarrhea. Many factors come into play. The most obvious is the diet. This, as a caregiver, you can help control. Be sure to get the advice of a licensed health care professional if you have concerns about your elderly relative's digestion. Here are a few tips to help them feel better.