We Thought He Was Sleeping

This little story was written about five weeks before the Colonel died. I can't help but get misty-eyed even now, as I read my memories from that time. 

Ralph sleeps more and more. Some days I feel that he's only awake for an hour or so. The body reserves energy for what is vital, they say. I was worried about it, but I went to the grocery store this afternoon as Ralph slept in his chair. I had changed him, made him comfortable, and he was somewhere far away... Martha assured me that they'd be fine. I brought back a really nice, large, sweet potato, among other things. When I arrived, Ralph was still sleeping, mouth open wide, head tilted back. I always look at his chest to check for breathing. Ah, yes. Breathing. Martha and I talked in hushed tones. I described what I had purchased, and we settled the money part of things. Then I said, softly, "I thought I'd make a sweet potato..." and Ralph suddenly said "I want a sweet potato! Lots of butter."

Well, okay then! Martha and I had a good laugh.

Sadly, his desire for sweet potato was desire only. His body rejected the actual delicious treat dripping with butter and dressed with sea salt. Oh, it's not that he didn't try. He gave it his best try.

Ralph is ever more confused. Yesterday he put after shave on his hair. I thought... well? That will smell nice. He often asks how to proceed when taking pills. Today he woke for a moment, blurted out "What are we doing??" and fell back to sleep promptly. When I woke him to go to the back for a change, I sat beside hiim and held his hand until he came around. It took a while. I realize things are winding down. When we were in the bathroom, he started an old familiar sentence. I was happy, because it was like he was "back". He said "How are we fixed for...." and then fell silent. I asked "For??" and he said "I don't know what I was going to say."

He never asks about the groceries anymore. Never asks after the stock of tissues or toilet paper. He wants to know if the plants have been watered. He asks that often. He wants to know if the window is closed. He requests the strangest things, and it's hard to imagine why they even matter. It is one of the saddest things I have ever watched. Still, those brilliant blue eyes look up at me under bushy eyebrows, and sometimes - just sometimes - I get the little grin.

Ah, Nuts!

We skipped the morning shower because I had to run an errand, early, and there simply wasn't time. She was fine with that. She has Dementia, so all of this was destined to be forgotten anyway. In the afternoon I waited for an "opportune moment" to bring up the shower plan. I'd let her skip from time to time, but her live-in caregiver really wants her to shower daily. It's a nice time for her, relaxing and enjoyable, so I go along and we do get that shower each day I'm there. She had to go to the bathroom, so I figured that was the opportune moment!

Laughter as Medicine

I have so many sweet memories of Ralph's care...

Once, during one of the several trips to the commode, I was applying ointment to two angry-looking sores on Ralph's bottom line. Running out of the household supply, I opened the new tube brought by a Hospice aide earlier that day. As I spread it on his ... involved area.... I said "Wow, this stuff smells good!" Then without thinking I added "Kinda seems like a waste."  He burst out with that old familiar booming laugh and said "You are the cutest woman I didn't marry."

Hilarious

I took Rose to her foot doctor this week. After that little outing, I plan to take more pleasure trips with her. It was delightful!!! Sad that family members miss out on this little feisty lady's jokes.


We were driving in a commercial area, and she was reading signs. Out loud she read, from the side of a restaurant, "Dine in and carry out". Then she laughed and said "How bad must THAT food be?" 


Funny thing; Dementia. It's a thief, but sometimes misses little treasures left in the corners of the mind. 


We both laughed hysterically about this joke - which was forgotten by her nearly immediately. In fact, just an hour or so later, she had forgotten that we even went to the doctor. 

Intermittent Showers

"How is Martha doing?"

That's a question I hear often. So many people have come to know and love a couple they've never met, whose real names are never revealed.

Martha walks a little more slowly now. She is often surprised by sudden tears as a memory reaches out and grabs her by the heart. Simple things like eating dinner at the table are all but impossible to bear. Facing her empty bedroom, with one neatly made and undisturbed bed by the window, causes her waves of pain. Sometimes the name of a friend will elude her, and she thinks "Oh, Ralph will know..." and then she remembers that he is truly gone, and she cries.

In between, we share stories and laughter and good times with family.

Words of Comfort from the Bible

Barnes' Notes on the Bible

Precious in the sight of the Lord is the death of his saints - Of his people; his friends. Luther renders this, "The death of his saints is held to be of value" - (ist werth gehalten) - "before the Lord." The word rendered "precious" - יקר yâqâr - means costly, as precious stones, 1 Kings 10:2, 1 Kings 10:10-11; dear, beloved, as relatives and friends, Psalm 45:9; honored, respected, Ecclesiastes 10:1; splendid, beautiful, Job 31:26; rare, 1 Samuel 3:1. The idea here is, that the death of saints is an object of value; that God regards it as of importance; that it is connected with his great plans, and that there are great purposes to be accomplished by it. The idea here seems to be that the death of a good man is in itself of so much importance, and so connected with the glory of God and the accomplishment of his purposes, that he will not cause it to take place except in circumstances, at times, and in a manner, which will best secure those ends. 

Fragile

We have a team of caregivers who are assigned to Martha's care. Each takes between one and three 24-hour shifts per week, depending upon one of us having something else going on. I am one of five women who care for her.

This past week, one of the team fell ill. It seems she will be out of the picture, either mostly, or completely. Enter a new caregiver.

Exit Martha's comfort.